On the way to the hospital last Thursday ( yep a week ago) I was so scared for Abbie and thought I might lose her. I have seen enough brain trauma victims to be very scared at what I thought was a LONG seizure. I was in the back seat with her trying not to imagine life without her. The entire time I kept up a running dialogue. It made sense to talk to her - mostly just Mommy's here and Daddy's here and we're in our van - stuff like that. She didn't acknowlegde me the until hours later. It was too scary.
Now here's the faith story:
I played the Jack card and started singing church songs. The only one that came to mind was I'm in the Lord's Army. Abbie was singing it a couple of weeks ago and it was so cute. She couldn't get the words right and we were singing together and Kenny jumped in - great family moment. Well, she wasn't responding to the Lord's Army so I went to Blessed Be the Name. It was the only other song I could think of and both of the kids love it. We crank it on the radio and everybody sings. When your daughter is having a seizure and you're worried about future brain function, singing "You give and take away" is confronting. Would a brain damaged Abbie truly make me thankful to God? Would I choose to say "Blessed be the Name?" Yeah, it went though my mind but I had the dismiss it or go crazy. I figured that the song might reach Abbie right then and I would deal with my own faith crisis later. I hope and pray to be thankful or accepting of the "taking away" but I'm very scared of it.
Blessed be Your name in the land that is plentiful Where Your streams of
abundance flow Blessed be Your name And blessed be Your name when I'm found in
the desert place Though I walk through the wilderness Blessed be your name Every
blessing You pour out I'll turn back to praise And when the darkness closes in
Lord Still I will say Blessed be the name of the Lord Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord Blessed be Your glorious name Blessed be Your
name when the sun's shining down on me When the world's all as it should be
Blessed be Your name And blessed be Your name on the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering Blessed be Your name You give and take away
You give and take away My heart will choose to say Lord, blessed be Your name